Content warning! Contains themes of generally unpleasant and erratic thoughts.
The chemical imbalance in my brain
Drives me fucking insane
I don't
Function
Thoughts in my head cluttering up in piles that I'll never get to process
Intrusive thoughts in the form of memories that are too painful to contain
Fixations on pessimistic interactions that I'm not allowed to ignore
What's even the point
Anymore
One thing is living in a world that hates you
But the corruption comes from within
And I'm powerless
All because of this one simple thing
Dopamine is fickle
But it controls it all
I'm not unhappy
I'm in a state of disrepair
I'm not in control of my inner functions
If my body was to rot
I doubt I'd even be able to tell
Because I'm so far disconnected
From what should have been myself
It's not noise
But it's still deafeningly loud
I've experienced the silence
The calm
The bliss
And I want it back
I want to enjoy it
I want to do nothing
And feel content
I wanna feel content
I can't even imagine it right now
Contentedness
How does anyone ever feel at ease?
What does that even mean?
I don't understand any of it
I'm suffering so badly
And I have no idea why
Why is my mind this way?
Why are the pathways in my brain wired to hurt me?
Why can't I just exist?
Why is every waking moment a struggle?
What did I do to deserve this?
Please make it stop
Please
This is not a life
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